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Personal Background

 

Isaiah Robert Ross

09/19/07-12/22/07

Isaiah Robert Ross was born on September 19, 2007.  It was the happiest day of our lives.  We now had our long awaited baby boy.  And he was so handsome.  Oh and so big at the same time.  Isaiah weighed 9lbs 1 oz. and proved to be the biggest baby born that day.  We got to come home on September 20.  It was so wonderful having a new baby in the house again.  The girls (Alexis 9 & Lynsey 7) absolutley adored him.  We all wanted to hold him all the time.  But I think we had to fight to get him away from Daddy first.  He was our "Little Man".  After Daddy's 10 days off, he had to go back to work.  Mommy got to stay home with him for 6 full weeks before she had to return to work.  Isaiah started daycare with one of my friends who lived in Lemon Grove.  It was about a 30 minute drive to and from her house to my work.  It seemed long during those days, but I would do it again in a heartbeat!  Isaiah was so happy and full of life.  He was the chunkiest little thing too.  Everyone who seen him fell in love with him from the moment they layed eyes on him.  The week before he passed I had taken him to the doctor, he had sensative skin.  He weighed in at almost a whopping 15 lbs.  The next week Daddy got to stay with him the entire week while mom was at work.  That was the last week we had with Isaiah.  You can also view all the picture's we have of Isaiah on our myspace page.  The link is www.myspace.com/usmcrossfamily.  If you would like to contact us through email please mail to yrmelissa@yahoo.com. 

December 21st, 2007

"Our Last Day"

We had a normal day, Mommy went to work and took Alexis & Lynsey to school.  Daddy stayed home with Isaiah.  I got off work around 4:30 and went and picked the girls up.  When we got home Daddy had the house all cleaned and Isaiah was swinging in his swing, he smelled so good.  Daddy had given him a bath and had got him all dressed up just like a little man.  The next morning we were to go to Tulare to celebrate Christmas so we spent our evening packing.  Isaiah went with me whatever room I was in.  If I was packing for Alexis, then he was in her room, or Lynsey, or in my room.  He was just starting to really focus on us and watch us everywhere we went.  Especially Daddy.  He would try to sit up to watch his Daddy walk out of the room.  He would follow us with his eyes.  Then it was time to pack for Isaiah.  We went into his room, Daddy was already in there.  The computer is also in Isaiah's room and Daddy was downloading music.  So we thought we would just take a break.  I laid out his Baby Einstein mat on the floor and I laid on one side of him and his big sisters laid on the other.  Daddy was playing different kinds of music.  We were all together, as a family (not knowing for the last time).  After as while the girls were getting tired.  Alexis went to sleep in the livingroom because she was so excited to go to Tulare and Lysney slept in her room.  I put Isaiah in his crib and turned on the mobile, he liked watching it go round and round.  Daddy was playing music on the computer too.  I started packing his clothes.  All his grown up little man outfits.  We always loved getting him all dressed up, he always looked like he was going out for pictures.  He had so many clothes they would not all fit in his dresser and closet.  We were a little OCD on buying him things, we only wanted the best for our little man.  At almost 9:45 I had just finished packing his things.  I laid out his little red shirt and his ralph lauren jeans so he could match his ralph lauren jacket, and he was to wear his converse that matched his Daddys.  So then we went to bed.  Isaiah slept right in between us everynight.  We felt that was the safest place for our little man to be.  Me and Isaiah went right to sleep.  Daddy stayed up for a bit watching tv. 

December 22, 2007

"The Worst Morning of Our Lives"

At around 3:45am Daddy woke up to go potty.  He noticed Isaiah did not look right.  He touched him and he was cold.  He was not breathing.  He woke me screaming.."Mom, Mom wake up...Something's wrong..he's dead.  I flew up out of the bed.  Chris went to turn on the light.  Isaiah looked so white, his nose was matted shut.  I thought let me just suction out his nose and he'll breath again.  I told Chris to call 911.  He dialed the phone then ran into Isaiah's room to get his nose sucker.  I am on the phone with 911, I suction out his nose..and nothing.  The operator told me to lay him on a flat surface and do CPR.  I had already taken all of his clothes off.  I picked him up to put him on the floor next to my bed, he was so heavy and so limp.  I can remember his little arms falling backwards when I picked him up.  I layed him on the floor and started giving CPR.  I still thought he would come back.  Chris was next to me saying come on son, breath.  By this time Lysney had awaken and was watching everything.  I gave him one breath, it did not go in.  I tilted his head and gave two breaths.  I will never forget the sound that made, it sounded like a gargle.  I then started pumping on his chest.  I had taken CPR classes 3 times and I could not think, the operator was walking me through it.  She told me to check for any signs...there were none.  She then told me to sweep the throat to make sure that he did not choke.  I could not get me finger in his mouth, his little jaw was almost locked shut.  I had to force my finger in.  Right then, I knew he was gone.  I tried to be strong and not break down because I just thought he would take some big breath and be back alive, but when I could get my finger in his mouth I knew it was too late, our baby boy was gone.  I started getting upset and screaming are they here yet.  Chris had gone outside to wave down the ambulance because its kind of confusing to get to our house because we live on a frontage road.  I heard him say they were here.  I didn't know if I should run him outside.  I think the operator said to stay inside and continue the CPR.  The next thing I know is all kinds of people came running down the hall.  It was like they all showed up at the same time, fire department, EMT's, and the police department.  A firefighter came around to my side to continue the CPR, Chris and I jumped up on my bed and watched helplessly.  The fireman didn't even kneel all the way down on the floor.  He looked at Isaiah then looked back up at an EMT.  She was looking down at him and she shook her head.  I thought  no, this can't be it.  They then picked him up and rushed him to the ambulance.  Chris followed.  I grabbed a sweater because I thought we would be one our way to the hospital, I walked down the hallway and I seen a fireman in the kitchen with Chris.  He was telling him that their was nothing that they could do, they said he had been gone  a while.  I did not want to believe it.  Chris then asked if we could see him again.  They took us out to the ambulance.  We just sat and held him.  Alexis came in to see him and gave him a kiss.  Lynsey did not want to.  A man then came into the ambulance and said they needed to ready the ambulance to go out again. I thought he was going to take my son.  I said no, you can't take him.  He then told us that we could bring him back in the house with us.  They sat us in Alexis's room.  They were taking pictures of our room and Isaiah's room.  Different people kept coming in and introducing themselves...I don't remember any of them.  They had two crisis people in the living room with the girls.  For what seemed like two hours we just sat and held him in her room.  Mostly me while Chris was making all of the phone calls.  I couldn't do anything but hold my baby boy.  How could this happen he was such a happy healthy baby boy.  Not my son, not me....why, why, why, thats all I could say.  The medical examiner and the investigator showed up at the same time.  The medical examiner and the investigator talked to Chris first, they had to fill out paperwork as to what happened, where he was sleeping and stuff like that.  Then they came into the livingroom and asked to see his shot records and when he was last seen by a doctor.  She said Isaiah had one of the best shot records she had ever seen.  I just kept asking her why.  He was perfectly healthy..in the few days prior he had just had  a slight runny nose, but nothing else.  She said at this time she believes it was SIDS and had no other reason to believe anything other than that.  SIDS, I had heard of it of course because I did daycare for so many years.  But why my son...we loved him so much, he brought so much joy into our lives, our family was complete.  But shattered in just moments. 

Isaiah passed away on December 22, 2007.  They completed the autopsy the next day.  They said we will not get the results for 60-90 days.  Next week we will hit the 60 day mark.  Hopefully we will hear something soon.  We just can't believe he is gone and we miss him so much.  I just want this to be some bad nightmare that we can wake up from and have our little man back.  He was the most precious thing in our lives.  We all loved him so much, he made us all so happy.  Never once did his big sisters get jealous of him, they loved him just as much as me and his daddy. 

March 7, 2008

I woke up with an odd feeling this morning.  I knew it had been 10weeks and 1 day since the autopsy was complete.  I had called every Thursday or Friday, but there we not yet any results.  This day would be different.  I called Joe Davis, the Chaplain for the Medical Examiners office.  I had called him every week.  I called at 8 am on my way to work.  He was not yet in and would not be in until 9am.  I left him a message.  He always told me, if there were results I will call you back.  If their is not results, I will not call you back.  He always called me back, he knew how much I appreciated to hear anything.  So I was at work and just getting ready to change some offices around.  It was 9:45, my phone started to vibrate...I knew it had to be him. I answered, he said Melissa...I said yes.  He said, "This is Joe Davis from the Medical Examiner's office do you have a minute, is this a good time?"  My heart dropped, the call I'd been waiting for, but did I really want to know the results.  I started getting upset.  I said I am going to assume you have some answers for me...every other time he called it was a simple nothing yet...today was different.  I said give me just a moment to go downstairs, I didn't want everyone watching me cry while I was talking to him.  He said okay I'll give you a minute to get downstairs.  While I was in the evlevator, he began saying I just don't want you to worry.  The results I am going to give you are nothing that you or your husband did or could have avoided.  My mind is going in circles by now.  He said are you where you need to be.  I said yes.  He said okay, What I am going to tell you is what you probably thought it was all along...Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  He then began saying that no stone was unturned and that they looked into everything possible.  Nothing was found.  So I told him, so basically you are telling me that I had a perfectly healthy son, for some reason unknown to man he is gone.  He said yes.  He then wanted to explain to me how the Death Certificate would read, I already knew the answer because of all the research I had been doing.  He said now because Isaiah was in bed with you and your husband, the first line of the DC will read Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) and the next line will read "Bedsharing".  He then began to explain that just because he was in our bed does not mean that is what caused him to pass.  They simply have to state this on the DC for research and statistical reasons.  I  knew that, but you just can't help but think otherwise.  He said I just want to make sure you understand, that it was not you or your husbands fault and that him sleeping with you did not cause this, he said if when you tell your husband and he doesn't want to believe that have him call me and I will explain it to him.  We knew it was not because he was in our bed, he slept with us from day one, as did our daughters and they are alive and healthy today.  He then said a prayer with me over the phone.  He invited me and Chris to attend church with his wife, and also recommended another church we might like.  I thanked him for everything, for calling me back even when he did not have any answers and for just being there for me when I needed to talk to him.  He said if we ever need anything or if we do decide to go to church with him and his wife to just call.  He told me to keep his number on hand and that he would be there for us.

I had finally gotten an answer....but was it really an answer.  SIDS is basically an exclusion, when no other cause  is found in an infant, it is then classified as SIDS.  Meaning they could find nothing that would've caused our baby boys death.    So what do I do now?  I do everything I can to make a difference.  I made a promise to my son to become an Advocate for SIDS.  I will participate in any fundraising event I can so we can have more research.  SIDS has no answers because their is not enough research. 

March 8, 2008

I call the investigating officer.  I'd spoken with him a couple of weeks earlier to find out where my son's clothing was.  I called his cell phone, because he was replaced with another detective so he could change departments.  He still remembered me, how could he not...I had the most handsome baby boy in the world, you can't forget that face.  I told him that we had gotten the results and wanted to know when I could get my son's things back.  He told me he would be back in the office on Tuesday and for me to call and remind him, and that within a week I will have my baby boy's clothing back.

That afternoon I checked the mail.  There was the envelope from the Medical Examiners's office.  It was the complete report.  Had I not called on Friday, we would've gotten the news in the mail.  Can you believe that.  They don't even call to tell you, in fact they don't tell you unless you call.  So we would've just seen it in black and white.  I couldn't imagine what it would be like to find out that way. 

So now we know it was SIDS that took our son.  We are participating in the Spring For SIDS event held by the American SIDS Institute.  You can find out more information about donating in the honor of our son Isaiah on my myspace page at

www.myspace.com/usmcrossfamily

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Just because we know what took him, it doesn't ease our loss by any means.  So please pray for our strength, and pray that one day we can make a difference.

We Love You Baby Boy

Poems From my Mommy

MEMORIES
If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

 

Ask My Mom How She Is 
 My Mom, she tells a lot of lies  
She never did before  
But from now until she dies  
She'll tell a whole lot more  
Ask My mom how she is  
And because she cant explain  
She will tell a little lie  
Because she cant describe the pain 
  Ask My Mom how she is  
She'll say 'I'm Alright'  
If that's the truth then tell me  
Why does she cry each night?  
Ask My Mom how she is 
  She seems to cope so well  
She didnt have a choice you see  
Nor the strength to yell 
  Ask My Mom how she is  
'I'm fine. I'm well, I'm coping'  
For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth  
Just say your heart is broken  
She'll love me all her life  
I loved her all mine  
But if you ask her how she is  
She'll lie and say she's fine 
  I am here in Heaven  
I cannot hug from here  
If she lies to you DON't listen  
Hug her and hold her near  
On the day we meet again 
We'll smile and I'll be bold I'll say, ' You're lucky to get in here Mom,  
With all the lies you told!'

 

 

 

A Mother's Conversation With GOD

 

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say,
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice!
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillows where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom!=)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Latest Tributes

Prayers... - I just read this baby boy's story... that is sooo sad. I am so sorry for your loss, i know what it's like to losesomeone you deeply love. It is very hard to get up and deal with it. I hope that in the 3 years since your sons passing, that you have began to be happy again. I know that your lives will never be the same, and you will never ever be able to forget any of this. Not that you'd want to. But i hope that you have began to live happy, because that's what this baby boy would've wanted. He was beautiful. I will continue to pray for your family! - from Kellie

For Isaiah's Family - I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. My heart truly goes out to you & your family. Reading your story was heartbreaking for me, so I can only imagine the pain you are feeling. The Bible can be a great source of comfort. The resurrection is a sure hope found in the Bible. There are several accounts of people who died and were brought back to life. This will happen again but on a much bigger scale. The Bible promises that Jehovah will resurrect countless millions in a paradise right here on earth. At John 5:28, 29 Jesus said "The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out." It is God's will for babies to grow up, enjoy life, and learn about him and his purpose for the earth. So young ones who have died are not angels in heaven but are awaiting a resurrection to a paradise earth. Isn't is comforting to know that Jehovah yearns to reunite you with Isaiah and will soon do so? God has promised it and it will come true. In the first chapter of Titus it says "God cannot lie." How reassuring is that? I am looking forward to a paradise earth and seeing my dead loved ones again. I really hope this brings you some comfort, even if it's just a little bit. Please feel free to contact me. My email address is futurehope4u09@yahoo.com - from Amanda

Such a beautiful baby - My heart goes out to you. No words can stop your pain but I hope that others caring helps to ease it somehow. I love the pictures of your precious son and especially the one where he's "praying"--God allows things for reasons only he knows but someday we'll understand. In the meantime, take care & God bless you. - from Sandy (Geraldine Gibbs's daughter)

My poem... - I still feel a waarmth around me like your presence is so near, And I close my eyes to visualize your face when you were here. I endure the times we spent together For as long as I have those memories we will never be apart Even through we cannot speak no moremy voice is always there because every night before I sleep I have you in my prayers. Isaiah even though I never got to meet you, you sound like a very special boy. Melissa you and your family will forever be in my prayers. I know you are probally thinking that I don't understand, and I do the best that I can. I can't imagine having this happen. God Bless... ♥Sarah G - from Sarah G

A Poem - We are connected, My child and I, by an invisible cord, not seen by the eye. It's not like the cord that connects us 'til birth This cord can't be seen by any on Earth. This cord does its work right from the start. It binds us together, attatched to my heart. I know that it's there, though no one can see, The invisible cord from my child to me. The strength of this cord is hard to describe. It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied. It's stronger than any cord man could create, It withstands the test, can hold any weight. And though you are gone, Though you are not here with me, The cord is still there, but no one can see. It pulls at my heart, I am bruised...I am sore, But this cord is my lifeline, as never before. I am thankful that God connects us this way, A mother and child--Death can't take it away! - from Aunt Betty

Latest Memories

jessica - thats so sad and i am really sorry bout that

GREAT AUNT CINDY - JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU TODAY ALITTLE HARDER THEN ALL THE OTHERE DAYS, YOU ARE 4 MO. OLD TODAY. WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOU IN ARE HEARTS AND MINDS. YOU GET TO HAVE YOU 4 MO. PARTY WITH GOD AND ALL YOUR ANGLE FRIENDS!!!! ONLY GREAT KIDS LIKE YOU ISAIAH GET TO DO THAT! AUNT CINDY LOVES YOU

courtney - I bet it was hard the morning he passed away was very painful loosing him because had been a very precious gift from God he is in God's hands now. I day you will see him in heaven you have very special memories of Isaiah

Betty - Hopping on a train hopeing to get there before your mom had you....getting to the hospital in the middle of the night and your mamma was still holding on strong...nurses buggin when we were tryin to get a little rest and then pow...i hear your mamma sayin...I got to push...then there you came...sweetest little baby boy chunky cheeks and all. Love you Isaiah